Put to death, by letter.
fail·ure ( P ) Pronunciation Key (flyr)
n.
1.) The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends: the failure of an experiment.
2.) One that fails: a failure at one's career.
3.) The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short: a crop failure.
4.) A cessation of proper functioning or performance: a power failure.
5.) Nonperformance of what is requested or expected; omission: failure to report a change of address.
6.) The act or fact of failing to pass a course, test, or assignment.
7.) A decline in strength or effectiveness.
8.) The act or fact of becoming bankrupt or insolvent.



Dear Michael:

The Committee on Undergraduate Admissions has completed it's review of your application for transfer to New York University. The Committee Carefully Considered the credentials provided in support of your application, and it is with regret that I must inform you that we are unable to offer you admission.

Each year, NYU receives applications from many more qualified applicants than we are able3 to admit. This year we recieved over 4,500 aplications for a limited number of transfer spaces, making it the most competitive year for transfer admission in the history of the University. Unfortunately, we simply were not able to offer admission to every transfer applicant with strong credentials.

We sincerely appreciate the interest you have shown in New York University. On behalf of the Committee, I wish you every success in your future academic pursuits.

Sincerely,



Barbara F. Hall
Associate Provost for
Enrollment Management








Once upon a time, I wondered what I would do if I had my legs amputated. I decided I would play video games and watch movies - like everyone else.

Current Mood: very, very, tired.

An unexpected Gift
Today at work someone gave me something very precious. One of the bartenders, Janice, stopped me before I left and asked me "When I would know?"


For those of you who don't know, a few weeks ago, I visited the big apple for a long awaited, well needed, vacation / visitation of several schools.

I finally got to look around inside Juilliard, and take a tour. (I wasn't impressed) Collumbia, The New School, New York Film Academy, and Tisch (NYU). I stepped into Tisch, and it felt like I had come home. There's way more to it than that, but that's all you'll get tonight, and trust me, I'm sure about this.

Their date for transferring was April 1st. That meant I had to get a big pile of difficult to arrange stuff togeather, at the last minute. <- but I did, and I'm awaiting an answer.



So that's what Janice was referring to when she asked me when I'd know.

I told her that I didn't yet, but that I was "trying very hard not to think about it or to get my hopes up." (and I'm not so I'm a little better prepaired if I don't get accepted, since all my eggs are in one basket for the time being)

She exhailed, and said, "Ya know your not very - up on yourself, and I don't know why. I think you'll get in."

I smiled, thanked her, and left.



Lately I've been questioning most everything I do. How it stacks up to my age, how I'm doing... etc. I Would like to be confident, though being reminded night after night that I'm just different from everyone else at Clyde's (my work) and being now thoroughly rejected by the MC croud leaves me feeling volnerable and unsure.





Can I do this?

Yes I can.

But it's hard for me to focus on that when I'm exausted and it feels like no one likes me.





I respect Janice's opinion a lot. She's someone who's amazingly no nonsense, so I'm able to trust her opinion unquestionably, because she's ballsey and honest and she's got her shit togeather. So I believe her when she tells me I can do it. Because she doesn't seem to have an ounce of bullshit in her, and if Janice say's so, it MUST be so.

And it ment a lot to me.

Current Mood: nourished

R & J




vil·lain ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vln)
n.
A wicked or evil person; a scoundrel.
A dramatic or fictional character who is typically at odds with the hero.
(also vln, v-ln) Variant of villein.
Something said to be the cause of particular trouble or an evil: poverty, the villain in the increase of crime.
Obsolete. A peasant regarded as vile and brutish.




My New Discovery: Romeo is actually a Villain.




P.S. The Halloween Party ROCKED! Pictures will be posted soon enough. ... and somebody did it in my bed... and it wasn't me - and I know; because there's evidence.

Current Mood: Nucking Futz

Guess WHO?




Credit is due to Miss Priss, Xie, Celestial Sinn...


and of course Mark of NYC MB Photo 13: http://www.modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=3579


God Damn - you guys ROCK!

( And a few more.Collapse )

Current Mood: Fucking Acomplished!

"Clueless"



Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.MichaelMoore.com


God damn... I love you Michael Moore.

Current Mood: Fucking Irate

You will come see my show now... *waves hand*



And no, this is not a sex show... there's just a lot of naked guys in it, And it's GOOD.

We opened last week. We are staying at Source Theatre now.

Oh! And the reviews have been lovely. You can find them on the Atw website.

http://www.atwdc.org/




So in other words, COME SEE IT! BIACHES!

( And Pictures from the showCollapse )

Current Mood: Jedi mind tricky

Cracker... my mouse... died tonight. I feel remarkably numb. Maybe that's why I'm writing about it.

I want to hit someone. I want to break something.

Current Mood: destructive.

Ever feel like you've accidently left an away message on your life?

Sometime's nobody answers their phone, and nobody's available, and people who do pop up aren't the one's you want to see. And you start to think about how maybe it's always you who makes calls, and you who makes plans, and you who takes initiative. And you start to feel tired, and you want to just be pampered... because your being a big BABY.




So I guess the answer to my question is - that I need to stop whining about other people's lack of initiative and just focus on my own lack of initiative. But I'm feeling pretty alone right now, despite being surrounded by people all the time.




Yesterday I got up at dawn on a whim, and went running in the woods outside my house. While leaping through the tall grass, I stumbled upon a patch of wild rasberries, surrounded by fawns. They bounded off and I ate the rasberies that they had left for me. Later on my run, I met a guy walking 6 big dogs. What a lovely way to start the morning.



Then I went to work for lunch, and one of my bosses pulled me into the office.



I addopted a little white mouse that he had caught in the kitchen and couldn't bring himself to stomp on. He also gave me tank to keep him in and kenny from the fish store gave me everything else I needed.

So now I have a new roomate, and he likes to climb on me.



( Oh! And here are only a few from the shoot with Michael Woodward.Collapse )

Current Mood: lonely

Signs

I think lately my life has been mostly about listening a little more closely to everything. I guess it's trying out the idea of there being purpose to things. When something pacular happens, you stop, and say, "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Sounds kinda crazy, but it can be a really clarifying habit. Just to stop - and listen to yourself - and then, how is the world reacting to me.

I think I'm becoming more confortable with how wierd I really am.

That said, being invisible, and listening, turns everything about me inwards.

It's summer time. A time of fire, and explosive action and interaction. Hence 4th of July. Being quiet and mysterious doesn't serve me and certainly doesn't serve my new ocupation at work.



Bartending

Serving was fun because I could deliver one liners to a table, and run around a lot which passed the time.

Bartending, I pace like a trapped cheetah, and I clean things a LOT. Knowing nothing about sports, or cars, or Keno, I haven't found much to say to the bar customers. I'm trying to pick up the skill of perpetual bullshit, instead of strategicly placed whit. My bar isn't big enough to make rounds. But it does pay much better, and people kiss your ass more.


I had a new photo shoot I'll get to later, but for now her's another plug for La Liaisons



It'll be good. And - if you like guy on guy action... well, hey.

http://www.atwdc.org/

My parents will probably NOT be invited to this one.



Enough for now. Something better later I promise.

Current Mood: contemplative

A blank page can be so intimidating...
It has been a while hasn't it... lets see.

Laramie Project


Closed, after 4 glorious performances. The last night we performed, we got a standing ovation, and as we all left the stage during our curtain call, a picture of Matt goes up on the back wall. I looked back out over the audience from off stage - and everyone was still standing... just looking at Matt. I was SO proud of what we'd done with this play. I was SO proud to be part of the ensemble, it was EXACTLY the type of show I've wanted to do ever since seeing "Columbinus".

Susan stopped the directing class and said, "This production has - consistantly throughout - the best acting I have ever seen in my term here."

Let that be a lesson to all of you who missed it, because most of you did. It was GREAT, and you missed it.



Tigers Dragons and Other Wise Tales


During Laramie, I was also finnishing up props for the show at Discovery Theatre. The biggest thing was, I had to design, and build 4 dragon puppets. In one of the stories there's 4 dragons, Yellow, Black, Long, and Pearl. They scoop up water in their mouths and spray it over the people of china, ending a great drout. The jade emperor is angered by this and traps them each under a seperate mountian, and they turn themselves into the 4 rivers of china. I decided Yellow would be the sun dragon, Black would be the storm and lightning dragon, Pearl would be the pink / girl dragon with pigtails, and Long would be the Grampa dragon with Spectacles, and a beard. I also built spray bottles into them so the performers could run out into the audience during one of the dances, and spray all the kids. They turned out GREAT, though I was terrified it wouldn't work for a while.

Court


In the midst of this all, I realized I also had a court date comming up, and I wasn't prepaired for it. Just that old, driving with a suspended license thingy. I went to get more info, and found out I could go to jail for a couple of days. After the last ordeal I went through, I wanted to die.

I made a motion to have it postponed so I could finnish exams, and they said it was really unlikely, since I missed the last one. All the while I was rehearsing R & J and trying to get it to stand on it's own for my Directing Final. I told them if I got sent to Jail to do it anyway, because it was really important to me. I REALLY love the piece, and I desperately wanted it to go up, with or without me.

The Day of Cort, I called them, and they had pretty much lost my motion twice. So the secretary, or who ever I spoke to, took pity on me, and talked to the Judge. He granted me my postponement. On the motion it said, "No more!" underlined. So I CAN'T fuck this up again. Thank GOD for small mercies, that in the long run, are HUGE!

Shakespeare's R & J


And SO, I got to finnish up final touches on my scene,
and get costumes right,
and lights right,
every thing right. Fingers Crossed.

Opening night came, the lights went down, and everything went perfectly. It was beautiful!

Last tuesday, Susan Hoffman (the Theatre Department chair-Directing professor) took us all out to lunch to give us final notes and final grades on our scenes,. She went around the table and gave everyone criticism. Lastly, she came to me, and said, "Mike... Here's all the notes I have for you." She turned her pad over. ... It was blank. "I Really, just enjoyed your scene, VERY much."


I've heard from numerous people around the Department, that if Professor Hoffman doesn't give you any notes, it's a BIG compliment. Maybe I have a directing career ahead of me after all.



The Formal Dance Informal


So the Dance Informal ended up havng a huge audience, and I was REALLY scared. Especially about being in tights infront of them, which is pretty much the same as being naked, for me.

I had a bunch of people tell me I "made the cutest little ballerina". One girl told me she "kept wanting to pinch my little butt" the whole time.

So I guess it went ok.



Dangerous Liasons


Yes. I'm doing it starting in July. All male production. Opening a new space for Actors Theatre of Washington. I can't really think of a better way to catch Michael Khan's eye.

Don't miss it this time.


Giving Nervous Blood



I gave blood again, but today, it felt like the world was sort of out of joint. Everyone seemed grogy and slow. Everywhere. And in a place full of needles, thats kinda scary. When the guy who's going to stick you mumbles, and has trouble reading the questions off the off the form.

"Have you, in the past 12 months, had sex, even once, with a person from Africa." It's really a question.

Luckily he didn't get to stick me... though the guy who did - didn't ask me if I was alergic to Iodine, missed the vein twice, and didn't clean my arm when he was done. Not to be anal about details, but...

"Um... excuse me... Do me a favor and don't get an air bubble in my veins or anything like that, please. It'll kinda... kill me. Thanks."

I wonder if the person who get's my blood will freak out for a couple days afterwards for no reason.

Fucking Roomates... fuckingfucking roomates.


Well, recently I decided to make a couple batches of pinapple tequila, and StoliDoli's which consists of soaking pinapple in vodka for a couple weeks, and it in-turn makes lovely, smooth, NICE lickher. I brought a case of vodka and tequila into the house, and put it in my room. 'E' & 'J' came up and said, "Mike, can we have some of your vodka for tonight?" I hesitated for a sec, "Yeah, sure..." I poured them a BIG glass of it. "Is that enough?" "Yeah, that's more than enough." I put it back in my room. I went to leave, and stopped... turned back, marked the level on the bottle, put them all back in my cabinet. The next day the bottle was missing probably another 10 shots.


And I don't care about the VODKA. I REALLY don't care about the vodka. What bothers me is that 'E' searched my room, found it and took it - when he knew I was saving it. Does that mean everything in my room is potentially up for grabs? Is he going to take my money next time?

I talked to him tonight, and he apologized, and looked ashamed. He told me he wouldn't ever go into my room again, and that helps.


SO! NOT COOL! Anyway, on with my life.


Next week I'm off to NewYork again. I LOVE NEWYORK! My sister is graduating, and I get to see Baraka again. Yay me! What a lovely reward for my last couple weeks of going nuts.

Current Mood: Tired and - tired

Laramie Project



Starts at 8:00 Wed , Thurs, Fri, Sat, Matinee on Sun.

So yeah. Come see me perform Five different characters.
(Hopefully I won't fall down and break myself as I change clothes, and run to the other side of the stage, over and over.)

It's good. Come see it.

Current Mood: listless... with out lists.

Fasting.
The goal of fasting is inner unity. This means hearing but not with the ear; hearing, but not with the understanding; it is hearing with the spirit, with your whole being. The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faulty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence, it demands the emptiness of the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then your whole being listens. There is then a direst grasp of what is right before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind. Fasting of the heart empties the faculties, frees you from limitations and from preoccupations.

- Thomas Merton, "The Living Bread"


Lately my life has been hungry to say the least- like my life revolves around anticipation. Enjoying "the moment before" has become an obsession, and the moment before has become close to a month. I think this has made me very sensitive all sorts of things. You might just call it twitchy. As though the moment before is the whole point. Though I also might compare it to a refusal to fill up on bread before your food arrives. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to come...

But at the same time, only having a half hour for lunch.

Everything is just a tease. There is nothing but over priced, over decorated, appetizers. I want a real meal that isn't carryout, and consumed with one hand while I drive, hardly paying attention to it. If there's nothing but subway available, I'm going to stay hungry for now. And besides, I don't have time to stop somewhere nice.



So what am I crying about?









Yeah. I think that about sums up. So Mike, tighten your belt, and be patient.





And stop biting your nails.

Current Mood: licking lipsy

Mmmm....
Una poesia di Alastair Reid:

Curiousity

may have killed the cat; more likely
the cat was just unlucky, or else curious
to see what death was like, having no cause
to go on licking paws, or fathering
litter on litter of kittens, predictably.


Nevertheless, to be curious
is dangerous enough. To distrust
what is always said, what seems,
to ask old questions, interfere in dreams,
leave home, smell rats, have hunches
do not endear cats to those doggy circles
where well-smelt baskets, suitable wives, good lunches
are the order of things, and where prevails
much wagging of incurious heads and tails.


Face it. Curiosity
will not cause us to die—
only lack of it will.
Never to want to see
the other side of the hill
or that improbable country
where living is an idyll
(although a probably hell)
would kill us all.
Only the curious
have, if they live, a tale
worth telling at all.


Dogs say cats love too much, are irresponsible,
are changeable, marry too many wives,
desert their children, chill all dinner tables
with tales of their nine lives.
Well, they are lucky. Let them be
nine-lived and contradictory,
curious enough to change, prepared to pay
the cat price, which is to die
and die again and again,
each time with no less pain.
A cat minority of one
is all that can be counted on
to tell the truth. And what cats have to tell
on each return from hell
is this: that dying is what the living do,
that dying is what the loving do,
and that dead dogs are those who do not know
that dying is what, to live, each has to do.

Current Mood: Remarkably Satisfied

"COLUMBINUS"



http://www.round-house.org/current.htm

If you only go to one show this year... It should be Columbinus.



It is, quite simply, the BEST production I have ever seen.

Current Mood: Blown away (so to speak)

La,la.


I am going to be in M.C.'s Production of The Laramie Project April 20th - 24th as "Jedadia Shultz" in addition to a number of other characters.



You will come see me in this show. *waves hand* *all people out there obey*



In other news... The Actors Theatre of Washington called me the other day to offer me a part in Their Dangerous Liaisons - after 4 months. Four FUCKING Months. They gave me a "call back" after 2 fucking months, and I got naked for them. Oh yeah... haven't written about that yet - damn.

Today I auditioned for The Shakespeare Project's Much Ado About Nothing. It went well. If they offer me the part of "Claudio", do I turn them down, in order to do a bit part with a BIG theatre, (that will get more exposure) ? ? ?

Decisions Decisions...



...


On another note - Gromit was FINALLY evicted from our house. - But not before he sat me down and had an, unnecessarily long, talk with me about "not hitting on his friends."

Long story short: (I'll let him explain)

Yes, that is a quote.
v
V
"When ever I bring over cute girls, and you come in the room, YOU take the lime light off of ME."

"Gromit, um... I'm not interested in the girls you bring over. (their kinda... trailerparkish), and I've never perused anything with any of the girls you bring over. (kuz um... psycho!) And I live here too, AND I'm NOT going to hide in my room when ever YOU come home with YOUR friends. (So your fucked. Sorry I'm more interesting than you are. BA Haha...) *rubs eyes* Your ridiculous. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."





So anyway, he pissed off Eric and Julia, and couldn't really pay rent, and pissed off dog, so he was gone soon after. And there was much rejoicing!




That’s how > I < got a lovely new room, and so I painted it bright red, with black trim, and polished wood floors.

It's Fantastic.

Current Mood: Busybusybusy

New Years Tomarrow Night at the Dog House!
Yall Better Be there! Especially all those who were at Halloscream!



Music and Cheer for all.
The Official** phrase for 2005 is "F**k em!" (2004 was "Whatevah").
BYO, but we shall supply.
The Doghouse has reenforced it's stock with CUPS!! / Shot Glasses / plates and other such party nik-naks that were all but used up on HalloScream.
Remember - WE WILL NOT BE WHIMPS! The anticipation of Halloscream made for most of the Doghouse alums to pass out early. This will not happen on New Years! (with the exception of maybe Gromit).
Bring yer friends, just don't leave 'em. Please plan on passing out if you are going to party hard.....please.

Current Mood: anxious

16 days until DOGHOUSE New Years!!!!


The Party countdown has begun.
The Fountain will flow with Bourbon.
Most likely not a Chapagne fountain, but-hey a "bubbler" of Bourbon is a "bubbler" of Bourbon.
Music and Cheer for all.
The Official** phrase for 2005 is "F**k em!" (2004 was "Whatevah").
BYO, but we shall supply.
The Doghouse has reenforced it's stock with CUPS!! / Shot Glasses / plates and other such party nik-naks that were all but used up on HalloScream.
Remember - WE WILL NOT BE WHIMPS! The anticipation of Halloscream made for most of the Doghouse alums to pass out early. This will not happen on New Years! (with the exception of maybe Gromit).
Bring yer friends, just don't leave 'em. Please plan on passing out if you are going to party hard.....please.

Current Mood: Busy.

More from the shoot with Renae.


Current Mood: Edgy

New Photo's from the shoot with Renae


Current Mood: pleased

Waaaaaaghhhh!
( Waaaaaaghhhhh! WAAAgh! WagH! Waghhhhhh! crunchn smarshin chorpn hakkkn pokadilian WAAAARGHHH! Annnnaaa drumdrumdrum breekbraakbrook barbarbarbarbar! ThwangboomAAAaaahhhhhh! BOOMBOOMBOOM! KILLDADOMINUS! KILLDADAGRHIRE! KIllDAKILDAKILDA! WAAAAGGGGHHHHHH ! ! Sinsergly, Tha UggglyCollapse )


Current Mood: Fightsy